Loneliness. I have been through two kinds of that. Here in Silent Hill, there is absolutely no one around. I have not seen a single human being except for that woman Krystal, I wonder what happened to her. There is fog everywhere which makes it hard to see and it feels like the world is limited to a small protective bubble that surrounds me. I am right in the middle of this bubble and it extends only to as far as I can see. Nothing here is operational. No shops or restaurants are open, no machines work, no vehicles around. Yet there is music. Or noise? Sometimes, its the very soothing but hauntingly familiar melody played on a piano that just spreads everywhere like the wind and you can't find the source of it. Other times, its the noise that is made from metals crushed and hammered and molded. It fills me with a feeling of hatred. I was lonely in Silent hill and I had lost most of my memory.
There are, however, a few things you can never forget. not even when you are in Silent Hill. Think of how people would react when they hear Abraham Lincoln talk against freedom, Gandhi promoting war or the Jesus of Nazareth telling you to fight those who hate you and spitefully persecute you. There have always been a few people in my life whom I respected and admired a lot for the smallest of qualities they had. But I found one thing which always made me very uncomfortable. People would have ideals and beliefs which made me respect them. I respect idealists. But they changed. Every single one of them, at some point, compromised. If someone tells me that they appreciate honesty, how can, at a later point in time, my honesty hurt them? They, then, find a middle ground and say its better not to say some things because concealing is not dishonesty. How can a person "fix" someone and make them quit something but end up doing the same thing? I find it very confusing and unsettling. I was born an idealist. I believe whatever situation we are faced with, we must be strong to stay true to our ideals and beliefs. I, sometimes, feel like I am the only one who doesn't compromise. This is something I should take pride in but I don't. Because that again makes me feel lonely. I was lonely when I was with people and i am lonely without people here in this hellish town. I don't know what hurts more. I don't like being in Silent Hill. But I have to. and now that I see it this way, I prefer it here. However, my hope and optimism live. I am tolerant and I can understand that people sometimes give in to temptation. Not everyone though. Once in a while, you find someone who surprises you. It just took me a little time to find that person. Isis - the one who just is. Have I found her? What am I still doing in Silent Hill then? A brief look at her letter again and I fall asleep a little relaxed.
