Where wisdom strives to be perfect and perfection needs improvement.

I have a choice (It's all coming back to me now)

I miss her. Krystal. She's the only person I've seen here in Silent Hill. Just when I think I've successfully fought my biggest fear, it comes right back spitting at my face its venom and makes me feel weak again. I feel like I should go back and see her at that park. Having some company would definitely make me feel better. But that was not the right question to ask. My wise little angel (who goes by the name Kate - And yes I believe in angels) gave me some advice about asking questions that I won't forget any time soon. She told me the reason most of us fail to find the answers to our questions is because we ask the wrong questions. I was not here to make myself feel more comfortable. I was here to solve a mystery - the one about the woman Isis. I had to find the strength somehow to fight this monster, my uneasiness and loneliness. I had to be alone and get used to it. I couldn't take anybody's help. 

I thought I had lost all memories of my past. But it started coming back to me as I started meditating on her name - Isis. I remember being with her. If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can see us together on various occasions, at different places, engaged in various activities. I could not, however, see her face. She was this tall faceless lady to me. The moment became melancholic as the moments in my imagination grew deeper and started seeming very beautiful. I could feel a deep longing in my heart that I can't explain in words.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies
And whenever you tried to hurt me
I just hurt you even worse
And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances
That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door
And I made myself so strong again somehow
And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

The unawareness of my purpose of being here in Silent Hill, which made me very uncomfortable, had started to weaken its hold on me. I realized I was not supposed to ask questions but seek the truth, not feel uncomfortable but keep on looking for clues, not mind the loneliness but learn to be strong. Its not easy being here in Silent hill, feeling so helpless that I could cry like a two year old baby who's hungry and without his mom. But I don't have a choice. Really? That is what we all like to think when faced with something we cannot understand, let alone fight. I beg to differ. I like to belive that we always have a choice. I could sit here, blame the weather and the loneliness but that won't help me, will it? May be, the the real world (WHAT?), I'd at least get some sympathy, but here? Who was going to listen to me here? I had not a choice over the circumstances I had to face. I had one though in choosing how to react to them. And I chose to fight, be it without any strength. My hope is my friend and my will is my wife. Yes I have a choice.

[Credits: "It's all coming back to me now" by Jim Steinman
I've been very irresponsible in the past with attributions. I apologize and promise to take care of it from now on]
Observing life, Expressing thoughts, Being Immature, Being Wise.
Rishi Talreja
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