Someone who surprises you... But iKnew.

Loneliness. I have been through two kinds of that. Here in Silent Hill, there is absolutely no one around. I have not seen a single human being except for that woman Krystal, I wonder what happened to her. There is fog everywhere which makes it hard to see and it feels like the world is limited to a small protective bubble that surrounds me. I am right in the middle of this bubble and it extends only to as far as I can see. Nothing here is operational. No shops or restaurants are open, no machines work, no vehicles around. Yet there is music. Or noise? Sometimes, its the very soothing but hauntingly familiar melody played on a piano that just spreads everywhere like the wind and you can't find the source of it. Other times, its the noise that is made from metals crushed and hammered and molded. It fills me with a feeling of hatred. I was lonely in Silent hill and I had lost most of my memory.

There are, however, a few things you can never forget. not even when you are in Silent Hill.  Think of how people would react when they hear Abraham Lincoln talk against freedom, Gandhi promoting war or the Jesus of Nazareth telling you to fight those who hate you and spitefully persecute you. There have always been a few people in my life whom I respected and admired a lot for the smallest of qualities they had. But I found one thing which always made me very uncomfortable. People would have ideals and beliefs which made me respect them. I respect idealists. But they changed. Every single one of them, at some point,  compromised. If someone tells me that they appreciate honesty, how can, at a later point in time, my honesty hurt them? They, then, find a middle ground and say its better not to say some things because concealing is not dishonesty. How can a person "fix" someone and make them quit something but end up doing the same thing? I find it very confusing and unsettling. I was born an idealist. I believe whatever situation we are faced with, we must be strong to stay true to our ideals and beliefs. I, sometimes, feel like I am the only one who doesn't compromise. This is something I should take pride in but I don't. Because that again makes me feel lonely. I was lonely when I was with people and i am lonely without people here in this hellish town. I don't know what hurts more. I don't like being in Silent Hill. But I have to. and now that I see it this way, I prefer it here. However, my hope and optimism live. I am tolerant and I can understand that people sometimes give in to temptation. Not everyone though. Once in a while, you find someone who surprises you. It just took me a little time to find that person. Isis - the one who just is. Have I found her? What am I still doing in Silent Hill then? A brief look at her letter again and I fall asleep a little relaxed.

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Its still the same old story...

I wondered how things could be different if I were a billionaire. The thought amused and hurt me at the same time. A few days ago, if I had that much money, I would have considered myself a successful man. Happy or not I can't say. But successful. Its not an amazement to me anymore how fast things can change. Today, I am sitting here on this old bench under this shade. The rain has stopped pouring but the blues it leaves me with don't go away. I keep thinking where to go next in this lonely town. If I had a billion dollars now, I'd give it to anyone who could take me out of this scary little place and tell me the reason behind everything that was happening to me. I'd have lost everything that my success earned me but I'd have peace of mind. 
 

It has happened to me before. I have lost all memories. I remember only a selected few of them. And they seem insignificant in solving this puzzle, if at all life is that in Silent Hill. My hope has weakened but its still alive and I have no plans to let it go so soon. I look up at the sky and realize that it is still blue even though the grey clouds hide it behind their gloomy face. The sun does find a way through them when it needs to shine. And so it will soon. Till then, I shall wait. In hope.

It's still the same old story
A fight for love and glory
A case of do or die. 

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Rain, rain, go away!

First there was the fog affecting not only the visibility on the road but also my mind. It gave me a chilling fearful feeling that I can't describe in words. Then it started to drizzle. I found a shade and I sat on a small bench under it. There was a radio lying down there. I picked it up and tried to tune it only to find that it won't work. The rain started pouring more aggressively now. I had never liked it when it would pour heavily. I was scared of the water falling from the heaven and it gave me the blues. I was anyway not feeling very comfortable in this town. I needed some sunshine to brighten things up but it was not going to happen anytime soon. All I could do was hope that the rain would stop falling. It didn't. In fact, it started pouring more heavily. I felt a little frustrated and smashed the radio on the wall. Shockingly, the anger treatment got it working. The annoying static was replaced with a familiar tune. If only I could be logical and think of why it would play this song to me. I don't believe in co-incidence normally. And scary as it was already, not being able to think clearly and not knowing how things can act this weird pushed me a step closer towards insanity. I wanted to scream and cry. The radio kept singing...

Rain, rain, go away

I couldn't take you one more day

There's broken glass here on the floor

And I can't take this anymore

Stay, stay don't leave now

I'll do anything but let you go

My hands are cold, my eyes can't see

You can't do this, not to me

Rain, rain, go away

I can't stand this one more day

I'll close my eyes, I'll shut my brain

I can't stand this fucking rain

I can't stand the rain

Close my eyes

The world meets nobody halfway...

In life, there are winners and there are quitters. We don't always get what we want. Really? Well, that'd be the case if we really believed that. Actually, we always get what we want. That's a little scary, for many times we only call for trouble. Some of us think life is tough. I ask 'as opposed to what?'. It is all we have and it is what we have to make something great out of. Until we realize that, we won't be able to know our true potential.

I have been walking alone on the streets of Silent Hill for more than a few hours now. Since the time I thought of resting for a while, the silence had started to disappear in the fog. Suddenly there was this noise everywhere, the noise of a heavy metal factory. It felt like I was in the middle of an industrial area but all I could see around me was a fleet of row houses on one side of the road and a few shops on the other. Where could that noise come from I wondered. It didn't have any pattern or rhythm. It just was noise that would annoy anyone if they listen to it for more than just a few seconds and there seemed no way for me to avoid it. In some ways though, it helped me. It kept me going by transferring a kind of energy in to me. I felt like it was telling me not to stop, to keep on seeking for what I was supposed to find soon. And I knew I had to keep going. There was no time to stop as there is in life. The world meets nobody halfway, does it?

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I needed rest - Silence in Silent Hill

They say we must fight our fears. And the best way to do that is to face them. However, you get time to prepare before you actually jump into the pool, get a tarantula or watch a horror movie alone at night. In my case, I had suddenly woken up to find myself in a town with a strange name, where everyone had disappeared mysteriously and I was uncomfortably looking for someone/something, I had absolutely no idea what or why. The letter with nothing but a name on it - Isis, the picture of three roses and a woman named Krystal, that is what had happened to me till now and something gave me the eerie feeling that what would happen could be worse.

I have always been very sensitive to criticism. I had to face a bitter truth recently. Someone very close to me made me realize how insensitive I can get at times to what others want. I took out the picture from my pocket and kept looking at it for a few minutes. This picture and that park, they both gave me a feeling that I know something I had forgotten. I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up hoping everything was okay. I tried to sleep but my thoughts just didn't let me. The silence around me was creeping me out and I couldn't figure anything out. I needed rest. Peace.

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