Where wisdom strives to be perfect and perfection needs improvement.

On being used...by friends...

    This is going to be the first (and also the most awaited!) post on this blog. This is something I am doing that is completely against my deeply held beliefs about doing things. I am a kind of person who plans a lot about everything and considers every aspect of things before starting anything new. However, my state of mind right now is such that all I can think of is writing down what's in my head.I am not going to plan anything here and just going to ramble.So, I advice people who might not be interested much in reading this to leave if they would later think it was a waste of time.

    I just came back home after spending the evening with an old friend Tilak. We did our diploma together and are now pursuing graduation courses separately. So we don't get to meet much. Anyways this post is not about him or my friendship with him but its about friendship in general. The topic came up when we were discussing past topics over snacks. I have always been a person who loves to help others. It gives me a sense of pleasure in knowing that I can do something for someone. However, over time things have changed. The habit remains but it has varied widely with time. I used to help every other person who would approach me for it and many times even volunteer for it. That does not necessarily mean I think of myself as a nice guy because I was doing it in a way to satisfy my need for acceptance and for being popular.

    When it comes to helping friends, things are pretty different. I didn't necessarily take any pride when the other person was a good friend because then it felt like a responsibility. But people can not just leave it like that. I mean how hard it is for people to stay friends and not try to include insignificant work-related problems in to the relationship. When I help a friend, I may or may not think of receiving anything in return, and that is completely fine. But I know if we are friends, he/she would be there when I need him/her. However, sometimes people just get so self-involved that all they see are the things they have to do, deadlines they have to meet, impressions they have to make etc. And you help them with all this stuff thinking that this might be just a phase in their life that will soon be over. But that does not always happen...People sometimes start taking you for granted..Oh! did I say sometimes?!? If you are in a position to help someone, may be you have some resources or you have good contacts or may be even if you can give good advices, they approach you. And when its all over, they have resolved their issues and all, your relationship is never the same. They don't talk to you anymore like they did before. They never share things with you. You let them be. And when you know a few months have passed, you haven't met or had any contact in any way. Then suddenly one day when you would least expect them to call, the phone rings. They do have enough courtesy to enquire about your health and other things. But then they get straight to business. They need something and you have it. They won't mind asking you for something even when it has been very long. And you need to be courteous too. So you agree on helping them again. You also have a little part of you still hoping you'll again be friends like you were before after you help them. But life is always full of surprises! The same thing happens again. You feel they used you and you can't talk about it. They have no sensitivity left to know you feel this way. And it remains an unsaid feeling.

    Months pass by and you still haven't reached anywhere. When you slowly start forgetting about it all, something happens again. There's suddenly a change in the atmosphere when you are around them now. You've even started talking a little bit  now. You feel like things are getting better. You even start doing things and then again something comes up where they need your help and you agree only to find out later that they used you again. Yes the same person again. How stupid can you be? Or may be just a bit sensitive to peoples problems? But you do it for yourself, remember? So what do you do now? You start feeling bad about your habits and start trying to change them. You become selective about who deserves your time. You do all to protect yourself from going through the same things again. However, like they say, shit happens! You face the same situations a few more time, may be not having as much impact as the first one but still significant. So what would you do? You know they want something that you have. You are not sure if you want to give it to them or  not. You are not in a position to trust anyone. What would you do?
Observing life, Expressing thoughts, Being Immature, Being Wise.
Rishi Talreja
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