I don't care about the sunshine... Cuz Mama I'm coming home...

I kept walking for another kilometer. I had no idea where I was going. The thought of doing something so unplanned like this scared me. But I kept going. Not knowing where to go was very perplexing. But there was a feeling that kept me going. I looked at all the shops on the streets as I was walking. Some of them were still open but there was no one inside which meant something had happened to this town and suddenly everyone disappeared. That seemed illogically scary. 

After walking the streets and finding nothing significant for an hour, I sat down on a bench just outside this park that I found. It was named Rosewater Park. Something about that park attracted me. It was like I had been here before and had some nice memories here with someone. As I was pondering about what to do next, I heard a noise near the small stairs leading to the park. Out of curiosity, I got up and started walking towards it. I heard a song playing, not very clear, like on an old radio or something.

You made me cry, you told me lies

But I can't stand to say goodbye

Mama, I'm comin home

I could be right, I could be wrong

It hurts so bad it's been so long

Mama, I'm comin home

There was someone sitting on the stairs listening to the radio. I breathed a sigh of relief now that I found someone else in the town. May be she knew what was going on and where everyone was. 

"Umm... Excuse me...", I said and she looked up with her eyes were all wet and sore. It seemed like she had been crying for hours. 

"Are you okay? Do you know what's happening here?", I asked a little concerned and worried."

"Oh! There you are! I've been waiting for you!", she surprised me when she jumped up and embraced me. I guessed she was mistaking me with someone else.

"Umm... I beg your pardon. Do I know you?", I said a little hesitantly.

"Ah! NO you are not him! I am sorry.", she started crying and I did not know what to do.

"Is there anything I can do for you? My name is...", I paused for what seemed to be just a moment trying to remember what my name was.  I got a little uncomfortable when I couldn't remember my name. How could anyone forget their own name! I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. I looked away for a moment hoping she won't realize how uncomfortable I was getting and I spotted a movie poster - Kate and Leopold. To quickly get out of this embarrassing situation, I made up a name and told her I was Leo.

She took a few seconds to herself and stopped crying.

"Krystal. I am Krystal. I have lost someone and I can't seem to find him. I woke up this morning and he was gone. I have been looking for him all day. And there seems to be no one in town today. Like everyone has gone somewhere.  You are the only person I've seen here. Leo. What are you up to?"

"I umm... I'm looking for something too. I am not exactly sure what it is. But I got a letter."

"At least you got a letter. He left me without even saying goodbye. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess he will be back if I wait for him here until its dark. We were supposed to meet in the park this evening."

"I hope you find him. I should go now and search for the thing before it gets dark. Take care Krystal."

"You too Leo."

They say misery loves company and I sure was a little relieved to find someone else in the town besides me. But I didn't know yet why I was miserable. It seemed to me that I was supposed to look for something that I didn't even know! I had forgotten my name, couldn't understand how people can disappear overnight like that or why would someone send me a letter without anything written on it. And how did I suddenly turn up in Silent Hill! I had started feeling as if I was dreaming but even if I was, it was the most lucid dream I've ever had. More like a peaceful nightmare. Nothing was wrong but I couldn't think of anything that I could say was right either.

Posted via email from Immature Wisdom

Stepping out and exploring Silent Hill

Not knowing what happened made me a little curious. I decided to go out and check what was happening to this place and find out how I got in to this town with a weird name. The piano that was playing in the distance had stopped by the time I stepped out of the apartment. And then there was another kind of noise. The kind they call silence. It was as if someone wanted to tell me something but could only whisper. Someone? God? Some supernatural being? I have a visually inclined mind and I tend to imagine things at times that don't really exist. But this town, I was sure, was not just my imagination. The silence was so heavenly, I could hear my own heartbeats. It was very scary though. It made me feel lonely. As if I was the only one left alive on earth. And it kind of seemed to be coming true because I realized, as I was thinking all this and I had walked for around a kilometer, there was not a single living being in sight, no animals even.

The lonliness I felt weakened me to the core. The fog and the chilling weather almost freezed me and I couldn't think logically anymore. In a weird way, the cold actually comforted me, it felt like a blanket that protected me from something worse that could be waiting for me that I couldn't even imagine can happen. Something attracted my attention suddenly. I found a picture on the ground. It seemed like a normal picture with three roses - two yellow and one white. In the background of the picture, outdoor tiles could be seen which meant the picture was taken somewhere outside and the flowers were supposedly held in someone's hands. On the back of the picture it was written, "I knew you better. March 5th 2010". The text seemed confusing to me but I liked the picture. I decided to keep it with me

The story of fear and hope - Living in Silent Hill

It all began with the word. The sound. A thought manifested in to reality and the reality began to emerge in to a nightmare.

I got a letter. Considering that people use writing as a medium to express something, I found it surprising that the letter said nothing. It was blank. But at the bottom of the letter, it was signed Isis. The silence in the letter seemed comforting although I had not known anyone by the name of Isis ever. It seemed ridiculous because the letter was addressed to me and it had Silent Hill written on the envelope. Did I really live in that town? I could not make out if I was dreaming so I just ignored it and I lied on my bed to rest for sometime.

When I woke up, I heard a melody played on the piano from a distance but couldn't make out what tune it was. I went straight to the window and I couldn't see the view outside properly because of all the fog out there. And I thought it was summer before I went to sleep. I like sunshine and its absence made me feel a little lonely. Something inside me was crying already and longing for its warmth. I had no idea what was going on or what I was supposed to do. I kept looking out my window trying to understand what had happened and I stood there for hours.

I was frightened by the sight I saw in one corner of the park in front of my apartment. It was moving. but it didn't have legs. It was like a bean bag only seeming rusty and bloodstained. How can a piece of cloth gather rust I wondered. And how could it move? I felt unconscious and woke up only after a few minutes. I felt a sense of hope. A hope that I'll soon find what I have been looking for. But I had to do something to get there. What, I did not know. I was afraid but I had the courage to try and find my self-worth. Or was it something else. I knew I was looking for something. And I had waited long enough but I was not sure what it was. The thought made me sound foolish and stupid but I decided to take a step and find out what it was all about. I needed peace.

Posted via email from Immature Wisdom

Life is love. Love is life.

That's a line I read at the end of a movie I recently saw. And I couldn't help but think about life and its meaning, which I'll admit is one of my favorite pastimes.

Many people have asked me why I chose this name for my blog. I never cared to explain. Somethings do need to be understood. More so, people.

I believe life can never be perfect. We can work and work hard to do things perfectly. But life likes to surprise us. They say you must always be prepared for surprises. Why? I believe we should enjoy them the way life intended for us.

We don't always get what we want in life. But we don't know at times what's right for us. We must trust life to know.

That's wisdom. But if life's not perfect, how can it be? Its still immature.

We know right from wrong. We define for ourselves, and for others, what is right and what is not. But we still make mistakes.

We try to talk, explain ourselves, manipulate when we know we must listen, understand and accept.
We always put ourselves first - our obsessions, insecurities, fears, needs. Its not easy being in someone else's shoes but then life is not easy.

We knowingly or unknowingly hurt those we love and forget about it. And when we're hurt, we hold a grudge.

That's immaturity.We need to learn, to grow.

Life is our only hope. We achieve, we possess and we desire. That can change and we can lose all that. We certainly always do. The only thing we have to keep is life, which sadly we all take for granted.

Life helps us but we must want to learn. It takes time to extract joy from life but it is totally worth the wait. We must have patience. For life is nothing but a work in progress.

Posted via web from Immature Wisdom

A new friend...A blank canvas...

Sometimes, I feel very terrible when I think about how we get so used to being someone we are not, just because we've always been that way. We can't deny the influence people around us have on us. We try so hard to be individuals and many succeed in being unique but only a few of us manage to retain that individuality. Others, and I'm no exception, they try to change or restrict themselves to mix well with people around them. In doing so, we do many things that we wouldn't have done otherwise. I, for one, have many things that I try hard not to do when I'm with certain people, for I know they wouldn't like it much. Let me make it more clear by giving an example. Us students, we know how hard it could be to find someone as interested in academics as us. I'm not saying people like that don't exist, its just that the trend goes to hate your studies and love other things like sports or movies. And many people, they try to hide their interests from most if not all, just so they can safely be "one of them". Its the feeling of social acceptance that makes us do that. What many of us fail to realize is that, doing so makes us lose interest in something we would have been really passionate about. Contrast this with how kids are. How they all want to be what they are without caring if people would or would not like them. If you want to learn about individuality, learn it from a kid who would indulge in eating chocolates and ice-creams the moment he sees them. He doesn't care if mommy won't like it or if daddy would want to teach him a thing about table manners. He just loves being what he is and what others think of him doesn't matter to him at all. And then, as he grows up, he's trained to control and many times suppress his desires just so he can be socially acceptable. This is how most of us, if not all, have turned out to be. We crave more for social acceptance than we love being individuals. We let that inner child die. May be not immediately because many of us keep having fantasies about things we love and we want to do something about it but we don't. Eventually, that inner child, who does not get enough attention to survive, dies a slow but certain death.

If only the world was so pathetic and helpless that we couldn't bring him back! I think I need to remind myself (and others) that its never really too late to mend. And here's why I say so. As a kid, I believed everyone of us had an angel (or many) taking care of us, guiding us through tough times and if nothing, just being there with us. Being a grown up now, I don't anymore, for we must be rational, right? And I am a rational man. However, I've realized that we do come across people who seem to help us in ways we never could have expected. Its like making new friends and let me tell you why I think that is so significant. Even if we are very open with people around us, we all still have little feelings that never surface just because no one tries to pry them. But then you meet someone new and your heart opens up to them bringing you closer to them in ways you couldn't have thought of, let alone planned. The moment you realize that the other person is receptive and sensitive enough, your inner artist awakes from his deep sleep. You feel its very hard to change things with your existing relationships because it might get too awkward and at most times you just end accepting things as they are. Finding a new friend in someone is like getting a blank canvas to paint on. You get a chance to overcome your fears, insecurities, inhibitions and forget about the past. You get another chance to write your story in their book, another chance to compose the tune that lets you forget your past and build a new future for yourself. You get a chance to explore yourself better through that person. It just couldn't be any easier to renew your ambitions and pursuits than when you find that someone new. It just takes for you to be open and vulnerable. Being that it won't be hard to notice someone who could be your angel.

Posted via email from Immature Wisdom