The smell of cigarette

Away from the chilly fogs of Silent Hill

Away from the desolation that can kill

I've run away

I'd no other way

From this strange, scary place

Where the streets have no name

Into my own secret mental place

Where no one plays no game

I need to leave this icy cold town

Where my heart only pains, I only frown

The smell of cigarette, Oh! it can be sweet

Some prefer cigars, others smoke weed

The comfort and pleasures of it umpteen

Even when a mere passive spectator, I've been

My heart perplexes, as it fills with desire

But I know I can't fight fire with fire

Nobody will even hear me speak

If I don't practice what I preach

I'd lose not much if I compromise

But I miss the one who can surprise

Its no wonder that ahead of me

Is the one in the karmic wheel of life

Isis, the one who exists, let the name be

The one who's supposed to cause some strife

Oh how will happy times and the smell of smoke

Assist you and cause you to grow

It is but, my friend, a petty joke

That in life, you either smoke to smoke or you smoke to show

And its times that test you

That'll prove your real worth

It was acceptance and not denial, I always knew

That causes us all much mirth

I shall give up my desire

For something far greater

For there's no smoke without fire

And it is fire that causes it all

But surely, be it sooner or later

Surely will I rise, now that I've had my fall

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Unable to stay, Unwilling to leave...

Unable to stay,

Unwilling to leave.

Reluctant to say,

But you have to believe.

Ask your heart!

Oh! Your weary heart!

If we must part

And live an ocean apart,

A step let's walk

Towards each other for now.

Be silent, let's not talk,

Don't ask me when or how.

Trust me once more,

It will all be better soon.

Gaze with me, as before,

Shining stars and the tranquil moon.

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If only (The beauty in one and all)

If only we mean every word we say

If only we keep every promise we make

If only the summer never goes after May

If only relationships were not just give and take

A poet shall rhyme, a singer shall sing and an author shall write

Poems, songs and stories of pain and pleasure, which life owes us all

If only I were an artist, then I shall color it all bright

And there shall be no sorrow and not a tear shall fall

From the eyes of the loved and unloved; for unfair's not my sight

An artist admires beauty, the beauty in one and all

 

 

 

 

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Thou Ain’t Loved!

[From a time when I was a kid and a theist]

Thou ain’t loved my darling
Thou ain’t the one, whom every eyes seek
Thou canst make a heart desperate
In thy love; nor a mind weak
Thy gait can seduce no mind
The words thou speak, no lust can bring
With your own discipline, thy heart thou bind
Thy tranquil heart, for peace is no longer willing

Thou ain’t loved my darling,
As long as this blind world,
To see uses its eyes cunning.

Thou ain’t loved; for indeed,
This world needs not love but lust and greed
Where thou belong not to its breed.

Thou ain’t loved; but thou won’t grieve,
For on His shoulders, whom the world disbelieves,
Thou rest in peace, even on doom’s eve!

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I have a choice (It's all coming back to me now)

I miss her. Krystal. She's the only person I've seen here in Silent Hill. Just when I think I've successfully fought my biggest fear, it comes right back spitting at my face its venom and makes me feel weak again. I feel like I should go back and see her at that park. Having some company would definitely make me feel better. But that was not the right question to ask. My wise little angel (who goes by the name Kate - And yes I believe in angels) gave me some advice about asking questions that I won't forget any time soon. She told me the reason most of us fail to find the answers to our questions is because we ask the wrong questions. I was not here to make myself feel more comfortable. I was here to solve a mystery - the one about the woman Isis. I had to find the strength somehow to fight this monster, my uneasiness and loneliness. I had to be alone and get used to it. I couldn't take anybody's help. 

I thought I had lost all memories of my past. But it started coming back to me as I started meditating on her name - Isis. I remember being with her. If I close my eyes and concentrate, I can see us together on various occasions, at different places, engaged in various activities. I could not, however, see her face. She was this tall faceless lady to me. The moment became melancholic as the moments in my imagination grew deeper and started seeming very beautiful. I could feel a deep longing in my heart that I can't explain in words.

There were those empty threats and hollow lies

And whenever you tried to hurt me

I just hurt you even worse

And so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days

When alone at last we'd count up all the chances

That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door

And I made myself so strong again somehow

And I never wasted any of my time on you since then

The unawareness of my purpose of being here in Silent Hill, which made me very uncomfortable, had started to weaken its hold on me. I realized I was not supposed to ask questions but seek the truth, not feel uncomfortable but keep on looking for clues, not mind the loneliness but learn to be strong. Its not easy being here in Silent hill, feeling so helpless that I could cry like a two year old baby who's hungry and without his mom. But I don't have a choice. Really? That is what we all like to think when faced with something we cannot understand, let alone fight. I beg to differ. I like to belive that we always have a choice. I could sit here, blame the weather and the loneliness but that won't help me, will it? May be, the the real world (WHAT?), I'd at least get some sympathy, but here? Who was going to listen to me here? I had not a choice over the circumstances I had to face. I had one though in choosing how to react to them. And I chose to fight, be it without any strength. My hope is my friend and my will is my wife. Yes I have a choice.

[Credits: "It's all coming back to me now" by Jim Steinman

I've been very irresponsible in the past with attributions. I apologize and promise to take care of it from now on]

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